I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
