Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
