all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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