What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize