Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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