We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Can you bring me the toilet please
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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