How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
