and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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