i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
