Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
