I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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