Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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