I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
