from now on my penis is your penis
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
