Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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