I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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