how can u be prego again
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Randomize
