Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
