Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
