dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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