Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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