I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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