I wish I could teleport
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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