We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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