His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Ladies don't puke and tell
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
