Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Randomize
