There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
