yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
