Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
