Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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