I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
be right there i have to get my cape
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
