literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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