Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
