My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
