White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
