I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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