actually, I'm a sock model
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
