I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
