2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
