He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
The feeling are messing with the penis
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
