At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
