He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
