"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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