and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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