I wannas sexs uuuuu
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
