see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
