talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
