my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
