I CAN MOONWALK!
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
