I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
