just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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