I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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