remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
