Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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