Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
And the cops told us we were all naked.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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