I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize