Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry CntrledVilnce hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(608): View more from Wisconsin

and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.

Fav 22 882 2309
share tweet
(301): View more from Maryland

I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.

Fav 14 933 3946
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(971): View more from Oregon

I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.

Fav 27 4440 4084
share tweet
(775): View more from Nevada

Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window

Fav 10 2237 1255
share tweet
(+79): View more from

You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win

Fav 4 2043 723
share tweet
(417): View more from Missouri

Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times

Fav 3 1579 818
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(856): View more from New Jersey

Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.

Fav 18 2271 1018
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(804): View more from Virginia

I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...

(919): View more from North Carolina

it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.

Fav 0 522 369
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(780): View more from Alberta, CA

So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!

Fav 0 70 31
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT