I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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