I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
