You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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