so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
