I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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