dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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