I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
