...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
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