she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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