Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
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