There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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