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She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize