why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
