it was like his penis was on wheels.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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