you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
