You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
