idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
