she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
