I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I think I am morally bankrupt
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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