Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
