found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
