Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Randomize
