TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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