Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
